kim_foster

Fear, and Worry, and Frustration - oh my!

kimfoster@ihmail.com (Kim Foster) — Wed, 23 Sep 2020 21:48:18 GMT

This is a subtitle for your new post

Fear, and Worry, and Frustration –

oh my!

It seems they are everywhere these days. Some days they feel just like a lingering fog around me and sometimes they threaten to overtake my whole day. Can you relate?

What can we do? How do we get through our days when it can feel like fear has us in a headlock, worry feels like it will drown us, or frustrations totally distract us? How do we keep from feeling lost and helpless? I have an idea…

Flip your focus: focus on what you CAN control instead of focusing on what you cannot control. Moment to moment, day by day, we can do that with practice. There is a lot that you CAN control – and focusing on that makes a big difference in your happiness, feelings of peace and the results you create. Here are some tips for flipping your focus:

Use your fear and frustration as fuel for positive action

Instead of stewing in those unpleasant feelings, what positive action steps can you take toward a goal, a change-making project, something fun?

When you take action, you are making a difference, no matter how small!

Taking action feels good (and feeling good is important!)!

NOTICE what you are thinking about, how you’re feeling, what you’re consuming

If your thoughts are negative, pessimistic, frustrated, or focused on what you cannot control – think “I’m going to flip my thoughts to be focused on what I want to create instead of what I don’t like”

When you don’t like how you’re feeling, do something fun to shift your energy. Maybe go for a walk, call a friend, take a bath, read an uplifting book (note the Be Happy Now book club for October info below and join me!), watch a funny show. You have the power to shift your own energy.

Watch your “inputs”: if negative news, social media, people are bringing you down, cut back! You will be amazed at how much better that can make you feel. Increasing positive inputs will raise your energy even more!

Share positive energy with others – think about what you’d like to see more of in your life (love, hope, kindness, peace, support, creativity, fun, honesty, faith). YOU can bring more of that to the world by expressing it yourself. You are creating a ripple of energy in the world, in your community, and in your family every minute of every day. Make an impact (and help yourself to feel bettter) by radiating the kind of energy you want to see. What kind of ripple do you want to send out today?

Being happy in these times might seem impossible, unimportant, insensitive, flippant, callous – but that is not true. The energy we put out into the world makes a difference. It makes a difference to the people you interact with online, the people you see at the grocery store, the people you might smile at as you drive or walk, and most definitely to your family.

We can put much more positive energy out into the world (and feel it ourselves!) if we focus our attention on what we CAN control instead of focusing on what we can’t, and continue to bring the focus back to what we can control when it drifts (and it will!!).

If you’d like some positive areas of focus, I have some fun things coming up. See below for more info on an IP workshop and the Be Happy Now book club!

Wishing you shifts in focus that bring you happiness,

Kim

Happiness Tool:

Mon, 20 Apr 2020 18:11:55 GMT

How awareness during quarantine can be a gift to your post-quarantine self

I’m realizing that this time at home can be an amazing learning opportunity. And I don’t mean a time to just learn new skills – a time to learn about ourselves. This is a great chance to become aware of how we feel, what makes us happy & unhappy, what fulfills us, what feels like a waste of our energy, what brings us joy, what irritates us, and what is really worth our time!

In our pre-quarantine lives the noise, the crammed schedules and the endless to-do lists often made it hard to hear our own thoughts and notice our own emotions.

Now, the “busyness” of our lives has been stripped away. If we pay attention and tune in to how we are feeling, we can learn a lot.

Take some time – give yourself the gift of some Journaling time. Ask yourself these questions. Listen to what your heart and mind are telling you.

What do I miss about my pre-quarantine life?
What don’t I miss?
What do I enjoy about my time in quarantine?
What don’t I enjoy?
What am I learning about myself?
What changes would l like to make in the future?

I'll get vulnerable here and answer these questions myself - and hopefully it might help you see how you can go deeper with yourself and learn some things about yourself that will help you during and after quarantine.

What do I miss about my pre-quarantine life?: group exercise classes at the gym, massages, hugs, seeing my parents, having my coaching group women over to my house every week for connection & support, lunch or coffee with girlfriends, going out to dinner and a musical with my husband, smiling at people and having them smile back, traveling.
What don’t I miss? Feeling rushed/too busy/over scheduled, always being late, putting on makeup and styling my hair, meetings for things that didn’t really support my values/passions.
What do I enjoy about my time in quarantine? Getting more sleep, not rushing, daily yoga, meditation 2x per day, spending more time with extended family next door, playing gin rummy with my husband, spending more time outside in my yard – even when it is rainy, great talks with my kids, Zoom connection time with family I don't often see, more time reading books – both “personal growth/spiritual” and “good fiction”, hiking.
What don’t I enjoy? Lack of variety of scenery/place/things to do, I miss my friends, I don’t have time/space to be alone, messier house, being with my family 24/7 has me being more controlling.
What am I learning about myself? Nature is healing and a great way to start my day. Keeping my home neat makes me feel better. A morning routine with a spiritual connection (reading a few pages of a good book) starts my day with positivity and faith. Connection with other people is essential to my happiness. Travel is a privilege that I took for granted. I value my alone time and it helps me be more present all day.
What changes would I like to make in the future? Slow down - schedule fewer things in my day. Don't wear makeup & style my hair every day. Have a reading/spiritual aspect to my morning routine. Put regular connection with far away family on my calendar. Meditate 2x per day. Add more time for fun every day... Etc... there are quite a few changes I will make that will really add to my life!!

I hope this is helpful to you. If you feel moved to try it, take pen and paper and a few quiet minutes and answer those questions for yourself. Once you start thinking about them, your awareness will continue to open and you will begin to notice more and more how you are feeling and can think about what that means for you.

Things don't have to go back to "the same old thing" when we are out of quarantine. Things can be better. What would make it better for you?? Maybe you've enjoyed spending time being creative or you've started a passion project that fills your heart, or you've found new peace for yourself through more rest.

We can choose to take this time as a BIG learning opportunity. To learn about ourselves. To learn, from our current experiences and feelings, what would make our lives better, more fulfilling, happier, more peaceful - more whatever you want!!

What changes post-quarantine could you make in your daily life to intentionally build the kind of life you want to live? What “ways of being” or behaviors do you want to change in the future – to make your life more of what will make you truly happy?

I'm wishing you all lots of great inner awareness! :)

-Kim

Planning & Prioritizing with Purpose!

Fri, 20 Mar 2020 04:15:06 GMT

You haven’t heard from me for a while because I was taking a “pause” after a stressful and busy year. I'm guessing many of you can relate to this scenario: the combination of many family extra obligations, work projects (planning 2 retreats, IP workshops, facilitating my awesome coaching group), home CEO projects and not enough rest or self-care had left me stressed and drained. I decided that I needed to take a little break.

It has been surprisingly difficult for me to slow down and press pause! Isn't that strange?!? You would think that resting more would be easy - but it's not for me!

I’ve been thinking a lot about why – why has it been hard for me to take care of myself and relax? Hmmmm… it’s become clear to me that one reason is that I’m a “productivity junkie” (crossing things off my list definitely gives me a thrill!). My parents have always pointed this out to me as they describe how I operate as “trying to fit 10 lbs. of sh*t in a 5 lb. bag”! It’s true… I have gone through life thinking “the more I accomplish, the better I am.” It’s been a hard belief to let go of, and I’m still working on it.

I do want to slow down and have more balance in my life, but what I’m realizing is that I can’t get rid of planning and productivity completely. I tried that during my “pause” this Fall/Winter and it was not successful for me. I thought self-care and taking a break meant not planning and not being productive at all – but I just ended up feeling lost and purposeless, and didn’t actually take care of myself enough! My energy was lower and I didn't feel great.

I've realized that what will help me, instead, is to focus on Planning & Prioritizing with Purpose . My learning: when we take the time to focus on what is truly important to us and what we truly want/need (awareness of what lights us up, what fills our hearts & brings purpose to our lives, things that add happiness & joy to our days, things that help us reach our most important goals) and we give those things a place and a priority in our days, calendar & life, our lives become exponentially better.

This helps me live my life with intention – enjoying the kind of life I want to live every day, planning in time for self-care, relaxation, meditation AND cleaning, laundry, family, creating lessons for my coaching groups, writing, bills, research, etc… There can be more balance if I plan ahead, prioritize, and therefore am making choices that support what I want right now… which overall supports the kind of person I want to be and the kind of life I choose to live!

I’ll share some of my tips below… I hope they help you increase the happiness in your life!

With love,

Kim

Planning & Prioritizing with Purpose

Why is planning & prioritizing important?

Allows us to put “first things first”
We’re running our day/life instead of our life running us!
- We’re living according to our important CHOICES instead of just flying from one thing to the next

How to think about planning & prioritizing:

It is self-care
It makes your life better! Think of it as a gift (of focus, less confusion) not a chore

Step 1: Master your to-do list

Inside all of our brains are thoughts of a million things we have to do. It can be SO overwhelming – makes us more stressed than it needs to because we often repeat things in our minds over and over!
- This can make us feel like we’re spinning in circles and not getting anything done
- Also, we can forget things this way, and that adds even more to our plates!
Do a brain dump
- Put all different to-do lists, post-its, and things that are just in your head on 1 central list
- Reduces brain fog, brain clutter, and feels more focused!
Use a paper list (put the list in priority order!) or an app to keep a master to-do list
- Trello: I love this app. It allows you to keep multiple lists and reprioritze them with the flick of a finger. It syncs to my phone and computer. Awesome and user-friendly! Reach out to me if you'd like help learning to use Trello! :)
Break projects into smaller steps

P’s that are important in this process!!:

Purpose:

Check in with yourself and make a list of things you truly want right now. What is most important to you, your happiness, your goals?
Ask yourself - are you living by your values and spending time on the things that matter most to you? Doing things with an urgent deadline first? Even if a goal of yours is “relaxing” or “feeling peaceful”, it is something that needs to be prioritized!

Plan ahead - here are some things to try:

Make a weekly overall plan – on Sundays or Monday morning?
- Put in appts, carpooling, email time, exercise classes
- Add in blocks on your calendar for self-care, friend time, downtime, nature, fun family time, new experiences
- Plan meals
Daily plan - in the morning or evening before, plan & prioritize the day ahead
- Review your overall list, things on your calendar, and decide what will happen today
- Plan in things that are important to you and your happiness/success – not just things that are “the loudest in your brain” – PRIORITIZE!
- Do your most important tasks (MIT's) when you will feel freshest/most effective – best brain power!

Persistence: you will see progress in creating the life you want to live when you keep at it, planning & prioritizing your life with purpose! Consistency is key!

(avoid) Perfectionism : progress, not perfection is a great mantra. Remember that this might be a new process for you and that you won't always get it "right" and things might not always go as planned... That's okay! Just get back on track - baby steps in improving your planning & prioiritizing will give you great results over time! Remember this is a journey…

Peace time: relaxation, self-care, and rest is important for everyone. Be sure to plan & prioritize that! It makes you more resourceful, resilient, and happy…

There are so many ways to be productive and what works for one woman doesn’t work for another. Some of us want to do more and some of us may want to do less – but for both, it is helpful to plan & prioritze with purpose. When you prioritize what matters to YOU, you have more time for fun, relaxation, connection with friends & family, health, etc... As a mom, there are some things you can’t help that get in the way of your productivity – but there are plenty of things you can plan for.

Think “me & my choices run my day” (instead of “my day runs me!”). Have fun with this! :)

How to feel a tiny bit better, even when things kind of suck!

Fri, 20 Mar 2020 04:05:25 GMT

Choosing to raise your energy can really help!

It is soooo natural to feel anxious and stressed right now. A feeling of uncertainty is not pleasant for anyone.

But, we CAN make an impact on how we feel and the energy we put out into the world. We might have to make these choices over and over again – but that’s okay! Each time we make a choice to raise our energy and our emotions we feel a little bit better…

Ways to raise your energy and feel a tiny bit better, even when things sort of suck!

Listen to uplifting music – make a playlist that helps you feel good!
Go outside (no contact – just fresh air!) – nature is therapeutic
Focus on GRATITUDE . When you think about what there is to be grateful for, even now, you feel a tiny bit better
Do something nice for someone else – send a loving text or funny message, donate money to a nonprofit to help those less fortunate than you, give a family member a backrub, call someone who needs support…
B-R-E-A-T-H-E – take some full breaths with slow exhales…
Read an uplifting book
Express your creativity - draw, paint, color, cook, sing!
Watch or read something funny – anything to make you laugh!!
Move your body – do some yoga or exercise at home, go for a walk, do jumping jacks!
Dance – turn on some music and have a home dance party!
Add anything to this list that you know makes YOU feel good and smile !

You might not feel like it at times – but when you can, pull out this list (and add other things that are unique to you and help you feel GOOD…) and try something. Even if it makes you feel a little bit better for only a few minutes, that is great! Baby steps in raising your energy and improving how you feel will add up to feeling as good as possible...

Sending you all lots of love and good energy,
Kim

The Whirlpool of Worry

Fri, 20 Mar 2020 03:46:26 GMT

How to step out of it!!

Hi Friends!

Got worry and anxiety? Of course we do... I am currently alternating between thinking of things I can't control or change which gives me anxious feelings and an upset tummy and focusing on deep breaths that allow me to move to a better mood/attitude and let it all go for a minute or two... (then at least I feel better for a minute or two!).

Worry is something that I actually love to talk about - because it is such a common thing for moms to do (even in "normal" times) and yet it does nothing to help us, and only increases our stress and makes us feel terrible. I call that worried state we are often in The Whirlpool of Worry . Your thoughts about what you don't want go in a constant loop over and over. I've heard worry described as "praying for what you don't want". Such a powerful concept - you are giving thought to something you DON'T want on repeat. Eek! Not helpful!

We all know that our "mom" emotional state is something that our entire family picks up on - if we can remain calmer, more positive, and focus on things we CAN control, everyone will pick up on that energy.

In our current situation, it's absolutely understandable that we find ourselves worried and anxious. What can we do? I'll give some of my favorite ideas below. Hopefully we can all give these things a try here and there in our day... it might give you some relief or it might not, but at least you're trying!

How to step out of the Whirlpool of Worry

Write your worries about things you cannot control down on a piece of paper - then shred it, burn it or crumple it up and throw it away!

Move your body - go for a walk, stretch, put on some music and dance. Movement is a powerful way to step out of the whirlpool.

BREATHE - try "square breathing": breathe in for a count of 4, hold breath for a count of 4, breathe out for a count of 4, hold for a count of 4. Repeat a few times...

Help someone else - send a loving message, a supportive text to a friend/family member, donate money to a cause helping those more impacted than yourself...

Change the channel in your brain - try to think about something else, even if just for a minute.

Hug/pet your pet!

Focus on Gratitude - what is there to be grateful for, even in the midst of all this uncertainty?
- Time together as a family
- Daffodils in bloom
- Enough food to eat
- A hug from your child
- Time for a nap
- Start a gratitude journal - write down at least 5 things you are grateful for every day!

Hoping there is something useful here for you - and sending you lots of love,

Kim